The reality is I have never felt so alone in my whole life.
It is so difficult maintaining a facade of normality.  Whilst inside I am tortured with feelings of misery, inadequacy, self loathing, self judgement, guilt; to many negatives to mention.
I know what I need to do, but, I am trapped within my own mind.
I have to use the facade and grab it by both hands and make it a reality.
Am I capable of doing this?  Today no, tomorrow who knows........
I need to plan and then put this into action, step by step, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second.
It will be hard work, perhaps too hard, but this misery will not defeat me.
Too strong for too long, perhaps not.
As a colleague of mine once said, it's a grand life if you don't weaken.  Perhaps I have weakened to the point of breaking.